Red Side Story by Jasper Fforde

Author:Jasper Fforde [Jasper Fforde]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, General, Fantasy, Humorous, Satire, Absurdist, Humor
ISBN: 9781444763669
Google: lDPvzgEACAAJ
Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton
Published: 2024-02-06T00:00:00+00:00

Disciplinary hearing

The verdicts at disciplinary hearings were generally more arbitrary and political than nuanced or fair. It was mandatory for members of the public to appear, and these were chosen on the basis of a rota. They were there not to scrutinise proceedings but to see those punished as an example to everyone, and spread the news among the village. It was more theatre than court.

Ted Grey: Twenty Years Among the Chromatacians

‘The very apartness of the Collective is the glue that binds,’ said deMauve once we were all assembled in the Council chambers, ‘but the civic cohesion we enjoy comes at a cost. The Rules by which Our Munsell guides us are sometimes bruised by citizens who feel that the Collective has less to offer them than they can offer the Collective.’

DeMauve had opened the disciplinary proceedings with a speech, as was normal for every event in our lives. Solstices, harvest, dinner, replacement of the public latrines, new calf, first cucumber of the season. He probably made a speech before opening his bowels.

‘For those who stumble we will always find it in our hearts to help them fall easily and without undue pain,’ he carried on in a dreary monotone, ‘but for the malcontents who reject the Rules that bind there is the Disciplinary Panel, to judge those who would attempt to bring a serpent into this garden of Chromatic perfection.’

There was applause from all of us, even the accused – it made sense not to piss the Prefects off even more – but none of it sounded very enthusiastic, except from the Yellows, who really enjoyed this sort of thing.

It was now past noon and both of the Penny-Farthing messengers had returned with the news that none of Dog-Leg-Lake’s Yellows could be found. The only evidence they’d been there at all was their Ford and a single knapsack, which contained uneaten sandwiches and a thermos. Daisy was due back soon but I didn’t think there would be much else to report.

Aside from the accused, the public and the Deputy Prefects, there was the crusty-looking clerk and topiarist Mrs Lilac, who recorded the hearings, and Tommo, who was busy scribbling in a notebook. I caught Violet’s eye but she gazed through me as if I was already dead. I would have expected her to have already crossed out ‘married’ in the back of her merit book and written ‘widowed’ instead.

‘Right,’ said deMauve, ‘let’s get on with it.’

We were not the only cases to be heard that day. First up was Nicola Lilac, who had got into a fight with Lottie Grey and broken her nose. After Nicola and Lottie’s widely varying accounts were heard and witnesses attested to Nicola’s often volatile temper and Lottie’s good work for the community, it was decided that Nicola had been ‘subjected to a high level of impertinence from a lesser hue that would vex and annoy any normal human being’. But to show that violence of any sort could not be tolerated, Nicola would be compelled to offer Lottie her pudding ration for a month.

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